Relationships are a whirlwind of emotions.
They leave us feeling happy, sad, inspired, frustrated, stagnate, optimistic, secure, anxious… and the list goes on.
I’m the person that gets anal as fuck and looks to generic blog posts from Cosmopolitan for guidance when things get rocky with my guy. The problem I have with online dating advice is that they don’t know the first thing about my relationship.
Some may call me in denial. Everyone calls me crazy. At the end of the day, I don’t give a shit.
Let me try to convince you of something that I think is vital in anyone’s pursuit of true love.
When we let go of conformity – when we let go of the expectations society has over us – we are free to be in charge of our own destiny.
Albeit, being in charge of our own destiny effectively translates to: have fun getting royally fucked over. Take big risks, and you tempt the powers of failure.
Except I believe in the choices we make and I believe in the power of the individual.
Don’t get me wrong – I understand that some things don’t play out the way we intend them to. Just because we’re attracted to someone doesn’t mean they are right for us. Just because we try to make things work doesn’t mean our significant others see things the same way.
Herein lies the solution. Herein lies the answer.
I encourage every single person reading this to carpe diem, to seize the day, to pursue the one they love.
It’s confusing to know what’s ‘right’ and whether it’s worth putting ourselves through the emotional turmoil of trying to understand another person’s thoughts and desires.
The right relationship lies in the capacity to understand someone to the fullest extent, and to go after what we want without the fear of rejection or failure. Fear results in the inability to truly comprehend our core desires, and those of another.
I’ve read plenty of articles saying that we have ‘three great loves,’ and I call total bullshit.
If we want something to work and it’s not, we shouldn’t get caught in the notion that it wasn’t meant to be. There’s work to be done, and there’s fruit to bear.
I recently struggled preparing for a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend, who decided to move to Texas after he graduated from college. Our love was new, and we had trouble communicating what we wanted from each other.
It made me feel like we weren’t compatible. It made me lose sight of myself, in the sense that I didn’t even realize I was making sacrifices for him at the expense of my own well-being.
And so was he.
I chalk it down to this: people care about each other in a way that can be utterly confusing but, if looked at the right way, can be the inspiration that carries us through the bad times.
We don’t have to go through a myriad of relationships in order to understand ourselves and get to a place where personal growth is ‘complete’ and shared growth ‘begins.’
I’m not writing this for the average reader. I’m writing this for those that believe in the leverage of our ability to take advantage of what’s in front of us and to make it great.
As human beings, we get sad, lonely, and we want someone to be in our lives to make us feel good. Sometimes this results in settling for the person that is conveniently placed in front of us.
Reader – if you don’t feel like you’re settling, don’t quit. Keep going and understand that you have a whole lifetime to live with the decisions and the pursuit of your own desires.
There may be someone in your life that causes you confusion and turmoil. Don’t get stuck in your own head – it’s often times the place where things go from good to grave.
Take the time for yourself to truly understand why things aren’t working – and then fucking fix it.
Communication is key. Exposing our truth, and protecting our individuality, will propel an average and even rocky relationship into a well-crafted partnership that we’ve always desired.
It won’t be a fairy tale, but at least the pursuit and the results will be pure and intentional. We won’t be left wondering what our first, second, or third relationship could have been like. We’ll know that we got what we wanted, and we wanted what we got.
All I’m trying to convey here is that, when that special someone comes along, don’t let them go without a fight, and don’t default to the opinions of others to determine your fate.
There will be small flings here and there that will make us question when we’ll get the opportunity to prove ourselves to someone.
If there is a human being that seems to defy space and time, and makes us feel like our existence on this planet is far from insignificant, then they’re worth moving mountains for, so far as we’re are committed to fight at the expense of love.
If we don’t try, the only thing we risk losing is a part of ourselves that we’ll never get back.